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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22592977">Kolay Sandı mı? (Did You Think it Was Easy?)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyaSalim/pseuds/AyaSalim'>AyaSalim</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Actor RPF, Çukur | The Pit (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Brothers, Büyük Yüzlesme, Canon Related, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Episode: s03e19, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, RPF, Varyam, real person fiction - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 14:00:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,619</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22592977</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyaSalim/pseuds/AyaSalim</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes with a unique talent comes a tremendous price.</p><p>(RPF, No Harm Intended)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aras &amp; Dilan, Aras &amp; Erkan, Yamaç &amp; Salih, Yamaç &amp; Vartolu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kolay Sandı mı? (Did You Think it Was Easy?)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a real person fiction that never happened with no harm intended to any of the mentioned people.<br/>I believe that Aras Bulut Iynemli is a truly gifted actor, and I also believe that it's impossible to become one with a character with such a long-term emotional struggle day in and day out and not feel and live its pain as if it was yours at least for once. And being Yamaç Koçovalı must certainly take a heavy toll on such a dedicated actor. </p><p>Needless to say, this is a complete work of fiction.<br/>Still, given an infinite number of possible worlds, it must be true on one of them. And if a story set in an infinite number of possible universes is true in one of them, then it must be true in all of them. So maybe it's not as fictional as we think.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Do you want to die? I promise I will kill you. You want me to rip your soul out of you? I promise I will take it. But not now, not here—not this soon. I’ve been waiting for you; searching for you from a prison to another, from a country to another! So, you too will wait! But if you want to die? You’ll talk. You’ll finish that sentence. When you do, I promise I will—promise.”</em>
</p><p>“Cut! That was beautiful, boys!” Sinan—their director—yelled and Erkan straightened his back, still towering over Aras, who was sitting on the edge of the table in front of him with bowed head, and sighed in relief.</p><p>It was by far one of the most emotionally-draining scenes they had to shoot on the show, and after their fifth time going at it to cover all the camera angles, Erkan was grateful it was finally over. Pride swelled in his chest when he turned to face their director and found some of the crew starting to clap while others were secretly wiping tears from their eyes, including the show’s writer, Gökhan—who was there to witness the magic happen as he had put it.</p><p>They did great on that scene—he had to admit to himself. The onscreen chemistry between the two step-brothers who came more closer to each other through the show’s journey was the reason why his scenes with Aras were his favorite most of the time and the closest to his heart. And every time he thought his admiration  for Aras’s talent had reached its maximum point, the younger actor proved it limitless in a more mind-blowing way than the previous one.</p><p>Smiling, Erkan nodded his gratitude to the still clapping crew and turned his head to congratulate Aras on yet another breathtaking performance when he found him still sitting on the edge of the table as he had left him after finishing his line. He still sat with a bowed head between his hunched shoulders, breathing hard, and despite the lack of good lightning, Erkan could easily see the tears still streaming down Aras’s face like he couldn’t stop them. And for a second, Erkan was almost sure, at that moment, he couldn’t.</p><p>He had seen this happen before; when they were filming Sena’s funeral scene, the younger man was so immersed in Yamaç’s headspace that they all had witnessed how much he was struggling to crawl back out. It eventually had come down to the show writer calling Dilan to the set so she could sew the fine line between fiction and reality together and tether Aras to solid ground. He had stood by the side while Aras was clinging hard to Dilan and he could have sworn he had called her Sena before finally coming back to himself.</p><p>The filming of the episodes that followed was not any easier as Dilan had already said her goodbyes to the cast and crew and was not around set anymore to present the hard proof between fiction and reality. Öner, Negeb, Reza, Kubilay and himself had taken turns being around Aras when he finished filming his scenes to help break him out of his character’s grief—and grieve he did.</p><p>But this season was a different story. From where Erkan was standing, it seemed that Aras was having a much harder time shedding Yamaç’s skin than before, it took him longer time than usual to smile again after a heavy scene—which was all there was for him considering the young man did most of the heavy lifting this season so far. After the first few episodes of the season, everyone started to notice how Aras didn’t even need a lot of makeup to look battered anymore; he walked around set sporting pale skin and dark circles under his eyes and began losing weight as they went deeper into the storyline. It was awfully obvious that the show writers had to ease up on the drama for a few episodes if not for Aras’s sake only.</p><p>Although the lighter episodes helped somehow, the peace didn’t last long and the big hit of the season was around the corner and both him and Aras took a downtime thanks to a very minimal screen time on episode eighteen to prepare for basically one of the most dramatic episodes of the show so far—as again Gökhan put it—and it fell onto Aras’s shoulders to pull his character through its turmoil and suicidal ideation on that week in order to kickstart the healing process. But before they could heal him, Erkan had to break him first.</p><p>And to say that was an easy task would be a big, fat lie. They both had briefly discussed their scripts together and what kind of emotions they wanted to induce into the scenes, ran their lines again and again together to get them familiarized, but then Aras had opted to isolation to get his emotions synched with Yamaç’s closed off headspace and psychological exile. As if he needed to get any deeper.</p><p>True to form, when they both showed up for filming the next day, much like his character, Aras looked like he hasn’t slept for days or had even eaten for that matter. The older man would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about the younger one. He had known it was going to be a very hard week once they were handed the script, not just due to the fact that almost the whole episode was depending on his and Aras’s effort, but also considering that the remaining cast who would not make any appearance in that week’s episode were all offsite doing voluntarily work for the earthquake aid campaign and it fell on only him to watch Aras’s back during and after filming while dealing with his own character’s pain as well as Yamaç’s.</p><p>Little did he know that it would be even harder than he had thought.</p><p>There were only two steps separating him from Aras’s side which he could easily cover with a wide step, but the slightly shaking frame of the young man stopped him. Knowing Aras while he still hasn’t broken out of character, any movement that was not scripted for Yamaç would spook him now and Erkan was suddenly grateful for the dark set and the fact that the angle with which he was standing was in a way shielding Aras form the crews’ curious eyes, whom he just started to notice had stopped clapping and were very quiet. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought they had cleared the set, but this crew was their big family, a big family that got their backs all the time.</p><p>“Aras?” He tread carefully, feeling the adrenaline rush that always accompanied times like these, when one of them had to remind the other that they needed to unplug and flush their characters’ pain away. “Oğlum, iyi mısın?”</p><p>A headshake was the only indication that Aras heard him.</p><p>“That was a great <em>scene</em>, man! You’re alright.” He knew the key words he needed to ground his episode-companion. “We’re done, kardeşim.”</p><p>Aras’s head snapped up and stared back at him with eyes so full of Yamaç and not a hint of Aras that it was almost hard for Erkan to keep looking him in the eye. And Erkan realized his mistake then.</p><p><em>Brother</em>.</p><p>Not the best keyword to use after a scene like that. He berated himself.</p><p>“Hey, Aras. Come on, man. We are done here, we are okay. You are okay. That was perfect.” In his rushing need to snap Aras out of it, to erase that look of pain he could no longer withstand, Erkan closed the distance between them and gently laid his hand on Aras’s shoulder, aiming for grounding him. The reaction he received, however, was not the one he was expecting.</p><p>Aras pushed his hand away as if it had burned his skin and jumped from his sitting spot. It would have stung Erkan’s ego hadn’t Aras’s outburst confirmed that the younger actor was still unable to untangle himself from his character’s unclenching grasp.</p><p>“Don’t touch me!”</p><p>“Aras...” He had figured early enough on the show that using Aras’s name was the fastest way to get his friend tethered to reality and out from under Yamaç’s skin. Aras held himself very still, and as he stared with wide, pained eyes at him, Erkan started to see Yamaç fading away very, very slowly. He closed his eyes, hugged himself, and started slowing his breathing.</p><p>When he finally opened his eyes, Erkan released a heavy breath of relief when the person who was looking back at him was finally Aras. Disheveled, looking like hell, but nonetheless Aras.</p><p>“Hey there,” Erkan said gently, taking the small step separating them and smiled when Aras only flinched very slightly when he hugged him but didn’t draw back. “That was one hell of a scene, man. You really outdid yourself this time.”</p><p>“Right back at ya.” Aras said in a raspy, tired tone as Erkan stepped back and smiled a little at him.</p><p>Gökhan and the rest of the crew chose that moment to burst out of their silent bubble to congratulate Aras for his performance, reminding Erkan that they had an audience all that time. Thankfully, no one came as close to touch Aras, and everybody was off to do their next task in a few minutes except their writer and director.</p><p>“You’ve done a great job there, boys.” Gökhan said clapping both of them on the shoulders. “Outstanding performance as usual, Aras.”</p><p>Aras, being the most modest person Erkan knew, looked down almost shyly and shook his head. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get me started.” Sinan interrupted, not giving Aras the chance to protest and told both actors to go regroup, take a break and be back in an hour for their next scheduled scene. He gave Erkan a meaningful look that said ‘take care of him’ before he turned to leave the set as well.</p><p>“Come on, brother.” Erkan turned Aras towards the location’s exit with the arm he kept encircled around Aras’s shoulders. Intent on keeping him grounded until they had to go through all the complicated, fucked up pain of the Koçovali brothers again. “Let’s go get cleaned up and get you something to eat.”</p><p>As expected, Erkan felt Aras shake his head before he verbalized his protest. “It’s okay, not hungry.”</p><p>Not one to be swayed easily, much like his own character, Erkan snickered. “Yeah, well. That’s Yamaç talking, Kardiş.” Aras huffed amusingly, walking forward with Erkan’s prompting hand against his back. “Stop being as the stubborn dipshit now that the tape is not rolling, will you? When was the last time you had anything anyway?” Erkan rushed with the question, not giving Aras the chance to deflect his worry.</p><p>“I dunno, been a busy day.” The younger man gave up and Erkan shook his head as he steered him towards his trailer.</p><p>“There, get in, freshen up and meet me at the food cart, okay?” He announced once they were above the steps leading to Aras’s trailer and opened the door for him for emphasis.</p><p>“You don’t need to babysit me, you know? I am a grown man.” Aras finally smirked thinly at him once he was inside his trailer. Satisfied, the older man turned to leave.</p><p>“Then act like it. See you in ten.”</p><p>
  <strong>&lt;•••&gt; </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Twenty minutes later Erkan was downing his third glass of tea with no sign of Aras yet. Not one to be pushy, Erkan decided to give Aras ten more minutes before he went to check on the younger actor if he didn’t show up. Five minutes later worry started getting the better of him and Erkan took the few meters to his co-star's trailer in quick, wide strides. When knocking got him no answer, he assumed—and hoped—his friend would be dozing off and catching up on his lack of sleep. Torn between giving his friend needed time to sleep or get him to eat something, Erkan decided to let him sleep.</p><p>Still, the worry inside him did not abate and before he could think twice, he turned the knob of the trailer and got inside. It was a common practice around here at set; Aras always kept his trailer’s door unlocked and welcomed everyone to his trailer especially when there were kids filming with them.</p><p>When he got inside, however, he could not see his friend dozing on the couch nor the chair, and it wasn’t a rocket science to figure where else the young man would be. Erkan heard the shower running in the trailer’s bathroom and turned to leave but the continued sound of steady water without any interruption stopped him. Forcing his luck, the older actor knocked on the bathroom’s door and worry gripped at his heart again when no answer came from inside and the door opened slightly under the slight contact. Hesitating for a minute, Erkan finally pushed the narrow door open after praying his friend wasn’t in any compromising position.</p><p>Erkan froze for a second when he found Aras standing half naked under the running water with his hands braced against the small cubical tiles. With head bowed between his shoulders, Aras’s eyes were closed as if in pain and he was still fully dressed from the waist down with his shirt in a wet bundle at his feet as if he was in middle of undressing and couldn’t get to finish the task.</p><p>Snapping himself out of his daze, Erkan slipped an arm behind Aras to turn off the shower which was running cold by now and called Aras’s name in panic</p><p>“Aras, what the hell are you doing, oğlum?! Are you okay? Can you hear me?”</p><p>Erkan fired at him while Aras kept his eyes closed tight.</p><p>“Was trying—trying to…get him from under m-my skin—let him slip out…” His breath was coming in short gasps of air and hadn’t it been for Erkan’s fast reflexes Aras would have cracked his head against the shower tiles when his shaking arms finally slipped.</p><p>“Shit! Come on, man.” Supporting Aras’s weight to maneuver him outside of the tiny shower to the living side of the trailer was not as hard as Erkan would have expected which was another striking evidence of how much weight Aras had lost during this season so far. However, with Aras’s soaked pants and boots, it was still messy enough.</p><p>“God, it hurts!” Aras moaned miserably, his shut eyes clinching even tighter.</p><p>“What? What hurts?” The older man asked urgently.</p><p>“My head. It hurts.” Came out the horas familiar answer—<em>Yamaç</em>’s answer.</p><p>Aras’s hand came down on Erkan’s forearm and held it in a tight grip with urgency, making him stop moving.</p><p>“Stop, stop, stop! Please stop!” The last word escaped Aras’s mouth in an almost whispered prayer as he let his upper body rest against the trailer’s wall. Erkan was not sure what Aras needed to stop so badly; their movement, the pain, or Yamaç’s thought inside his head.</p><p>And he has never been at such a loss before.</p><p>“Stop what, Aras? What’s wrong? Tell me...”</p><p>Aras let out a pained grunt as a reply, one hand still holding Erkan’s forearm in a death grip, the other going up to his head as his body slid down to the trailer floor—the wet clothes making a sticky noise on the wooden floor caused Erkan’s already thin patience to snap.</p><p>“Aras, oğlum! I’m going to call for the doctor, okay? You stay here.” The older man was sitting on his hunches in front of the younger actor, his free hand patted him slightly on the cheek to both comfort and to bring him more around.</p><p>“No, no,” Aras shook his head as a quick shiver ran through his body. His eyes still shut tight. “Just—ahh—just turn off the lights for a second? Please?”</p><p>Against his better judgment, Erkan nodded and patted Aras on the shoulder lightly before he stood up and turned off the lights and on a second thought brought a blanket off the couch which he laid around Aras’s shoulders when he was back by his side.</p><p>“There, you’re okay, it’s going to be okay.”</p><p>Aras nodded before letting his head thud back heavily—and with more force than Erkan thought necessary—against the wall behind him.</p><p>“I know.” Was the soft reply he got in return.</p><p>Glimpsing quickly at his watch, Erkan figured they still had thirty more minutes before anyone came looking for them to call them back to set. He didn’t like that he was fulfilling the younger man’s request and not calling for professional help to check on him, but on the other hand it felt like the right thing to respect his friend’s wish to keep his privacy for now as long as he was not physically ill. If they could deal with it on their own, then there was no need to subject Aras to unnecessary fussing.</p><p>On the heel of that thought, Erkan sat fully Indian style on the floor in front of his friend and waited.</p><p>With the light coming through the window above their heads being the only source of light, Aras’s face was mostly hidden by the shadow, but his eyes were finally open. Erkan had to stifle a gasp at the scene in front of him; it was not that very different from the one they had shot earlier that morning in the cell between Yamaç’ and Salih.</p><p>If anything was different it was the fact that Aras, at this moment, looked even more worse-for-wear than Yamaç did on the scene.</p><p>“Aras,” Erkan deliberately spelled out the name slowly, while placing a gentle hand on the man’s knee. “Are you sure you’re okay? Can I get you anything?” On a second thought, and remembering that his friend made a habit of getting in touch with the actor Ercan—who used to be his onscreen-father—more frequently than usual recently, Erkan added, “Anyone?”</p><p>A tired no was his answer and they stayed like that for a few more minutes before Aras broke the silence, initiating a conversation for the first time since they’ve finished their scene.</p><p>“Thanks for staying, but I am okay. You really don’t have to worry.”</p><p>Erkan studied his friend’s tired features and it occurred to him that maybe this was not the first time Aras was deeply affected by his character’s emotions to the point of nearly losing control if Aras’s underlying, dismissive words were anything to go by.</p><p>“This happens a lot?” Erkan asked instead, giving Aras a hard ‘don’t even try’ yet gentle look.</p><p>“Not much.” Aras averted his eyes before he told him with enough sincerity. “A few times here and there—when it gets too much, you know?”</p><p>And Erkan knew; it got too damn hard sometimes to shed away Salih and Vartolu’s emotions after wearing them as a second layer of skin for more than two years. Even on hiatus and between breaks, there were always those rare moments when hints of Salih or Vartolu managed to crawl to the surface.</p><p>It was hard enough for him and he could only imagine what it was like for such a sensitive person with extreme dedication like Aras to endure a very long-term emotional struggle. After their first season together, he knew that his friend’s acting gift came sometimes with a tremendous price.</p><p>“What do you do then?” Erkan asked curiously. “How do you shake it—him off?”</p><p>Aras looked at him then and shrugged. “It’s not that hard when I’ve got you guys hovering over me twenty-four-seven.” He smiled a little and patted Erkan’s knee as if he was the one who needed assurance. And even though Erkan knew that that was not the real answer, he knew he might not like hearing the truth and decided to let it slide for now and not pry. “Anyway, at least we know he will get to have it a bit easier after we’re done with this episode—God knows the guy deserves some overdue rest.”</p><p>It always fascinated Erkan; the way Aras talked about Yamaç like he was a real person—and maybe he was, wasn’t that the reason why he was sitting with a suffering Aras on the floor in the dark in the first place? Aras; Yamaç—they were merely two different faces of the same person now.</p><p>And it downed on Erkan then that Aras was the one who was due to a serious break from his complicated, guild-ridden character.</p><p>“He will, kardeş. Let’s get through this one and give the guy the rest he desperately needs.” Because he knew Aras was probably right, and with everything taken into consideration, that was the intent of the episode they were currently filming—hopefully.</p><p>“Yep.” Aras started standing up and if it weren’t for Erkan’s fast reflexes again he would have toppled down back on the floor.</p><p>“Whoa, take it easy!” With worry still eating a him, the older man supported the younger one and watched him blink a couple of times while he swayed slightly on his feet before he regained his equilibrium.</p><p>“Thanks,”</p><p>“Maybe you should lie down for a while?” Erkan suggested, the excuse he would give to their director for the longer break the young man needed was already being formed in his head.</p><p>Aras huffed, in amusement or frustration, Erkan couldn’t really tell.</p><p>“I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to, Babamın Oğlu.”</p><p>And Erkan knew then that he wasn’t just rehearsing.</p><p>-fin-</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed. Reviews are love!</p><p>*Oğlum: My son.<br/>*iyi mısın: Are you okay?<br/>*kardeşim: My Brother.<br/>*Babamın Oğlu: My father's son.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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